What are you actually looking for when you look at someone you’re about to paint?

DOROTHY, Oil on Canvas, 20"x16" (part of the Portraits of Dignity: Do you see me now? series)

J: I think about this question a lot, especially as I’m studying and practicing. As an artist, I will study the drawing process of an artist. Then, another artist, I’ll study his painting process, and how they paint portraits. Simultaneously, I’m doing my own practice. 
There are two things I work with as an artist when I’m deciding what paint, what color, etc, to use. First, I questions, “How does it feel?” Then, technically, I look at is the oval shape, proportions, and shadow shapes that the forms the light. I notice the shapes of the features the light creates. But the main thing is “How does it all feel?” 

There are others who do this mechanically. They’ll draw every hair, every eyelash, etc. There’s a publication – I dont know if it’s still out there still, called “Drawing.” In this, you’ll find these  photo realism drawings, like a photograph. I look at that, and all that’s well and beautiful. But where’s the life? I prefer a Rembrandt any day. 

Rembrandt understood all this technical stuff: form, shape, and proportions. But you look at his figures – you feel them, that character. So in addition to looking for this technical stuff in order to be able to get it on canvas, he is asking, “How does it feel?”  

That’s why it’s important. Even though I might be referencing a photograph for a portrait, it’s important to have a connection with the person first – to meet the person, to have some conversation with that person – because we connect spiritually. That translates into the work. So when I’m looking at somebody, it’s more of a feeling that I’m trying to get, even though I don’t know how to go about that. It takes care of itself. I can’t figure out how to do that. 

​One of the questions I've been asked is: “How comfortable are you with not knowing?” I’m totally comfortable not knowing. There’s something I don’t want to know. If I knew, for example, how to get the feeling in that eye, I don’t think it would be the same. I don’t know how to get the feeling in it. I paint it. The feeling just comes out. I think you just have to feel it, it’s enssence. Just, feel.

When I was drawing Dorothy, I tried to capture her smile and overall personality, the way the light fell on her face and her story. She was cheerful and optimistic, even as she revealed that she was undergoing chemo. She passed a week or two before the “Portraits of Dignity : Do you see me now?” show opened at the YMI of which her portrait was a part of.

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